The earth

 Every flaw I love in you except your absence

- Mahmoud Darwish 

I don’t think this is something I'm writing for myself, I think this is an apology letter to everyone I've hurt with my absence, with my remoteness and trust me I've tried, I've tried everything to save energy for you, I've read all possible articles on how I could be a present friend, I've taken pills to keep myself running, I've tried honey and those protein bars, I've tried to meditate thrice a day to listen to how your day went, everyday, at the end of it, I've cut down on all the brief intimate moments I have with the world, to prove it to you that it's not on you that I'm finding it hard to talk to people, I cut them off like I was on a strict diet but to my misfortune, nothing works, I still end up exhausting myself to the point of a breakdown. 

I cannot make empty promises of being present, I'm distant in nature and it doesn’t let me defy it but I can promise to attend to all your important occasions with your favourite chocolates and pink tulips, I promise to hug you the hardest when it's raining for you, I promise to collect souvenirs for you from around the world and bring them back to you, I promise to give you my undivided attention whenever we’re together, I promise to tell everyone about you like a kid, I promise to laugh at your jokes when the whole room doesn’t, I promise to keep sweets in my bag, just in case you get hungry, I promise to cheer for you and be the loudest in the room while doing so. 

I promise to love you the most even though I'm going to mention it the least among all your friends.

The earth and I, both take time to orbit around the sun but we eventually return to the position we started from.

I promise to return to you.